Save Me
by Jasmine Shigeru
Summary: 7 of 15.Vash is feeling guilt over his happiness.
1. Chapter 1

Part One

Guilt, I was feeling guilty tonight. Next to me, Meryl slept sound, but I could not sleep. It was not the first time. I haven't been able to sleep for two days. Meryl does not know. I pretend to sleep when she wakes. I remain in bed from a half hour to an hour just thinking and playing opossum. When I exit her room, I but on my infamous fake smile and kiss her good morning. I don't want her to worry. I don't want her to know how unhappy I've been. It's recent, because before that I was happy.

For the last week, I have been unbelievably happy. I had a home for the first time since before the Great Fall. There was no more traveling. I had a wonderful, kind woman by my side, and friends who cared about me. I didn't have to pretend to be a pervert to frighten a girl away so she would get close. For once in my life, since I was a little boy, I had peace. There was nothing to be ashamed of. There was nothing to feel guilty for. But I do feel guilty, because I am happy and my brother, my only brother, Knives was still trapped in an old broken down space ship. I felt like he should be with me. Better yet, I should be there with him.

The woman I love interrupts my thoughts. In her sleep, Meryl places her arm over my torso and my stomach tightens. She makes me feel special and worth. However, I am not. I made a promise a long time ago. I promised Rem, my surrogate mother, that I would take care of Knives. Instead I abandon him to have a life of my own, a life I was denied for so many years. Now, I feel I do not deserve this life.


	2. Chapter 2

Part Two

Early the next morning, I kissed Meryl goodbye as she leavers for work. As soon as she's gone, I begin cleaning her apartment. I do the morning dishes, make the bed, clean the sand covered floors. I clean the bathroom and gather the laundry. And when I am finished, I realize I have nothing else to do. I have nothing, no job, no home of my own. I am alone.

I sit on Meryl's couch and close my eyes. I am exhausted. Not form the chores and not because I didn't get any sleep last night. I am exhausted because of my entire life. All of my time on Gunsmoke I was saving people and trying to stop Knives.

Now Knives has been dealt with. What do I have to fight for? I have no antagonist. I'm a hero without a villain. I feel empty. I am now a man without a purpose.

I laugh at how much I'm going to miss being the mouse while my brighter played the cat.

My brother. Everything leads back to my brother. My laughter turns to tears as I begin to cry. I place my hands over my face to hide my sorrow to the empty room.

Empty. I feel empty. I have to go. I have to go back to Knives.


	3. Chapter 3

Part Three

It's the afternoon now and I am waiting for Meryl to come home. I have already gathered my things. My mind was made up. I was going back to Knives. It was my brotherly duty to take care of my twin.

"Hi, Vash," Meryl greeted cheerfully. "I'm sorry I'm a bit late. I had more paperwork than I thought."

She hasn't noticed my bag at my feet. She steps inside the apartment and shut the door. She stares at me and stops. It was now that she noticed that I was dressed for a journey. I wore my old body armor, the only thing different was my coat. Once, red now a milk chocolate. I had tossed the red one in the desert after I defeated my brother. I discarded it like I discarded my past. I will always remember but I could not allow it to guide me any longer. And yet, here I stand in front of the love of my long life about to go to take care of the biggest reminder of that long past.

"You're leaving," her voice already emotional.

"Yes," I answered tightly.

"Why?" she asked.

I see the tears build in her eyes, threatening to fall and I nearly look away. I really hate to see her cry, my tough Short Insurance Girl.

"Knives, I have to go to him," I tell her. "He is my responsibility. I shouldn't have left him."

Meryl's crying now. She is now trying to hide it by ducking her head.

"You feel guilty for leaving him behind," she said and I realized she truly understands me.

"Yes," I confirmed as steadily as I could.

We pause to stare at each other. Just taking in our last images of each other to get us through our separation.

"I love you, Meryl," I confess hoping to lesson the blow and realizing it could only make things worse.

"I know," she said. "I love you too and I understand. You have to be there for you brother."

She pauses and gives a shaky sigh.

"Will I ever see you again?" she asked me.

"I don't know," I answered.

"Should I wait for you?"

It's my turn to sigh. I want to be selfish and say yes, but I can't. I may never come back. She deserves happiness, a husband, children. Everything I'm not sure I'm going to be there to be her husband and give her children.

"No," I finally said.

She closed her eyes and takes a deep eyes.

"Go," she insists. "Leave."

She moves from the door, clearing the way for my exit.

I slowly made walk to the door. When I reached it, I turned to her and stroked her cheek. She moved away from my touch.

"Go," she said again.

I drop my hand to the doorknob. Turning it and opening the door. I do what my beloved Meryl ordered me to do, I go and leave her alone.

END


End file.
